Defying Bitterness

Recently, I have experienced some online confrontation.  The source was a person I have known for a long time, but would not say that I am particularly close to.  No one ever really expects that to happen... at least not to those of us who are happily using social media to share pictures of our children and meals; those of us who turn to our laptops for "me time" when we want to just relax and connect for a few moments;  those of us who avoid political debates, and sidestep controversial issues in cyberspace.  People like me tend to see our online world just as a place for fun.  For this, and many reasons, I felt inclined to give up Facebook.

I have been a fan of FB for a long time now. It has allowed me to keep some real, and nearly instantaneous connection with so many friends around the country. I honestly did not think I would ever quit it. However, I never thought about it allowing people who have no business telling me or my husband how we should live our lives an avenue to do just that. Under the guise of concern, I believe the word used was "exhorting"... a particular person felt they needed to chide me, and question my character over a post I wrote last year, and then reacted in similar unpleasantness to a post that Matt wrote.

Now granted: in this person's moral standards, we both fell short.  However, I feel that if you do not know me well enough to own my phone number, then you are not in any position to work on my character flaws. If you have not invited me to your home, or out for a meal, then what makes you think I should accept your offer of criticism? If you have not said anything positive, or encouraged me in the good deeds I am working in {perhaps you do not even know what they are}, then why in the world should you feel compelled to the Christian task of exhorting?

I am so glad that I have always been encouraged to treat people with kindness. I remember times in my life when all I wanted was justice, and felt so hurt that my parents should want me to turn the other cheek. Even though it still terribly stings my pride, I know from past regret that the only way to truly end an argument, is with kind words. It is not always about being right, or smart.  Verbal diarrhea looks bad on anyone, whether they are justified or not.

Unfortunately, I am one of those pitiful people that is thrown into a period of self-doubt and despondency after any confrontation.  I feel uglier and stupider and meaner after being criticized.  And then I feel angry with whatever is making me this way.  I just wish that it was not so easy for my thoughts to become dark.  Even if I respond in kindness, even if I know I am right, even if I pray and ask for forgiveness  for my offender and for myself {forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.}, there will be unguarded moments where I wish I had fought harder, or that somehow this person would know that they were wrong and be embarrassed about it instead of walking around triumphantly.  I think angry, selfish things far too often. 

Which is scary because the roots of those feelings left alone will tangle and ensnare.  They will grow and warp the person I am until I become the person who has offended me.  After all, if not for bitterness, and self-righteousness, would this person have acted in such a way?  

And so I begin for myself a daily goal: put forth more tenderness, more focus on thankfulness, and end each day praying in earnest, "Lord, save me from the bitter and hated woman I could become."

 I am thankful that like Dickens wrote,  "Men's courses will foreshadow certain ends, to which, if persevered in, they must lead, but if the courses be departed from, the ends will change."